A New Day Starts Tomorrow 

Tired of worrying

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My dad died of lung cancer when I was a teenager. I was diagnosed with onset cervical cancer  when I was 16. Last year, my uncle was diagnosed with liver cancer. This year, my mom and stepdad were both diagnosed with skin cancer. My stepdad is currently going through the treatment process. Other family members have dealt with breast cancer, too. I don’t say any of this to gain sympathy from anyone. I say this because I have realized that cancer does not discriminate.

With a list this long of cancer running in my family, I am a smoker. I have been smoking for roughly 20 years now. Crazy, right? I know. Sounds like someone is playing with fire. As the saying goes, “play with fire and you’re bound to get burnt.”

Last week my husband was in Colorado for his doctoral symposium. This events always take a toll on me. I hate him being away from me. My mood changes from “happy-go-lucky” to “Don’t push your luck”. What can go wrong, does go wrong. I have broken vacuums, shorted the whole house, almost caused a fire from an outlet, and broke lawn mowers. I physically don’t feel well either. I have headaches and can’t sleep. We should probably buy stock in bubble wrap to prevent anymore unneeded catastrophes.

This last trip got us talking about making changes in our lives. More so, taking our health more serious so that we can live to see the kids move out and have time for ourselves. We’re counting down the years. 11 1/2 more to go! We need to make some serious changes.

My husband made an agreement with me. We both will go to the doctors to get a routine check-up. This is a HUGE step for us. The only time I go is when I feel like I am dying. He just doesn’t go. I think that’s just the man in him.

I’ve agreed to go for routine check-up and to look at quitting smoking cessations. I’ve done research and have considered taking Zyban. I made a “new patient” appointment at a new PCP but it’s not until the end of August. I’m ready now though.

I’ve tried quitting several times in the past. I’ve tried quitting cold turkey, cutting back, and even recently, tried the vape thing. None of them worked. I was a complete bitch. The withdrawals were too much to take. I feel bad for those who are suffering from substance abuse and go into rehab. Kudos to you!

My husband doesn’t know but I’m going to my current PCP tomorrow while he’s working. I want to get on this before I talk myself out of it again. Wish me luck!!

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